Happily Ever After

One of the big differences between what children believe and what adults know is the concept of "happily ever after". Children stories and fairy tales end with, "... and they all lived happily ever after". Adults have seen a good part of life and know that problems are a part of it, regardless of how good one's career, family and other stuff are. Problems range from minor irritations to major issues, and one considers oneself happy if one's problems are minor irritations only. But then again, major issues do keep cropping up and one has to always be ready to solve them and minimize the damage. Someone having things going well is a testament to his/her being able to tackle the major issues, amongst other things.

One of my major complaints of Indian middle class society is the perpetuation of the myth of "happily ever after" in young minds. How many kids in school have been told that getting good marks will get them successful careers, which will make them live happily ever after? How many youngsters aspire for the first great paying job in order to have their life made? How many people believe that life is perfect if one is in the USA?

We all want children to dream big. They should see all that the world has to offer to them. Also, they can be playful. Determination and seriousness is something that they need to develop growing up. However, giving a false promise is not the way to go. Rather than preparing children for the one-off goal (getting into IIT, going to US), one has to teach them about what life ahead requires. This brings me to another question. Is it the parents who themselves believe that if their kids go to IIT or the US, they (the parents) will live happily ever after? Do they believe that if their kids are "settled", earning a huge salary, everyone will live happily ever after? I remember some parents looking at their son/daughter's classmate and thinking "That kid has it made. I wish my kid were like that." The media talks about 10th standard toppers (or even 7th standard toppers) and interviews the "successful" kid. My take on that is - You're talking about a little kid who is yet to see a lot of problems in life. The kid has a lot of work to do before he/she can even be set in a career.

The "happily ever after" myth has a lot of negative consequences. I have known batchmates at IIT who have completely messed up their first year because they didn't realize that they needed to continue to work at IIT. They were told things were "made" for them when they got into IIT. Some friends of mine learned that life with their dream job was not what they imagined it to be. There were pressures at work, and always stuff to do. Looking back, their IIT days seemed happier.

Many young couples also suffer from a variation of the same myth. The marriage between the young charming prince and young beautiful princess, with the wonderful compliments of "they look so good together" doesn't lead to a "happily ever after" situation. While many couples get past the initial storm of false expectations, some don't do as well. I've known 3 school classmates who were divorced (2 are remarried) before they were 25!

The other contribution to the myth are what we see in others. Successful people look like they have it made. We never think about the day to day struggles people like AR Rahman, Anil Ambani and CNR Rao go through. That holds the same for the successful relative or neighbour. We assume their jobs are good and well paying and everything is great because they drive that nice car and that they seem happy. We forget that they also deal with people, successes, failures, family, health, things beyond their control, just like all of us. The fact that we don't know about these things is simply because we are not looking for them. We only choose to see our "happily ever after" myth.

So here's my advice to young people. There is no such thing as "happily ever after" no matter how many exams you top, or awards you win, fame you get or money you earn. Some things make life easier (having a college degree) or more satisfying (a reward for effort), but there will always be day-to-day struggles just like everyone else and the occasional bad patch, no matter what. As a corollary, no one has it perfect, not even the most successful people you've seen.

(Started this a long time ago. Decided that it was worth completing)